Doggy Doo Quarter at JPMorgan Chase; No December Retail Magic; Carnitas Crisis at Chipotle

Dog poo days…

Image courtesy of imagerymajestic/

Image courtesy of imagerymajestic/

Jamie Dimon, CEO of JPMorgan Chase, the biggest bank by assets, is not having a very good day, it seems. Mr. Dimon said the bank will “try to avoid stepping in dogs**t.” A highly technical term coming from the mouth of one Wall Street’s most powerful (and presumably, potty-mouthed) bankers. I guess when you have had better fiscal quarters, “stepping in dogs***” seems an adequate description. Sure the bank pulled in $1.19 per share. So yeah, it made money. There are a ton of companies who would be thrilled to pull in earnings like that. But the bank missed expectations. When you’re JPMorgan Chase and analysts expect you to pull in $1.31, well then, missing analyst expectations is more than a bit of a drag. It also suggests that its competitors will fare similarly. JPMorgan Chase took  a 6.6% hit in its quarterly profit. A $1 billion plus legal bill, courtesy of Uncle Sam’s litany of investigations, is certainly partly responsible for putting a crimp in those earnings.  “Banks are under assault,” says Mr. Dimon when asked about all those legal fees. And I’m sure you’re hurting for him. But let’s face it, that $1 billion is nothing compared to that $13 billion settlement JPMorgan Chase ponied up back in 2013 over its less than desirable role in the sub-prime mortgage crisis.

Not so merry after all…

Image courtesy of ratch0013/

Image courtesy of ratch0013/

The most wonderful time of the year was not the most wonderful, fiscally speaking. Far from it, in fact. The Commerce Department and the National Retail Federation regaled us with the lousy news that December showered us with bad tidings of a .9% drop in retail from the previous month. Sales hit $616 billion, which seems awfully jolly. It was even a 4% increase over the same period last year. But again, I reiterate – a .9% drop, month to month. Is it too late to say bah humbog? I think not. Interestingly enough, some of that drop in consumer spending was actually because not as much money was being spent on gas. Dropping oil prices made holiday driving a bit more fiscally festive, just not lucrative. Fun fact: About 10% of retail sales comes from gas purchases. But those steep discounts from retailers, as they desperately attempted to lure shoppers, actually proved to be a major downer for those retail numbers. Hence, there is no good fiscal cheer to be had. But we’re not supposed to get too worked up over this drop since it marks the first time since 2011 that holiday sales even increased by more than 4%. So carry on then.

Big problemo…

Image courtesy of KEKO64/

Image courtesy of KEKO64/

Chipotle has put the kibosh on its barbecued pork offerings at about 600 of its eateries after it was found that one of its major pork suppliers was not acting with integrity i.e. not complying with animal welfare standards. So uncool on so many levels.  Chipotle’s policy of serving “food with integrity” should do much to strengthen the beautiful bond between diners who appreciate the sentiment  and the restaurants that seek to uphold it . But alas, it’s not known if and how badly this carnitas crisis will affect Chipotle’s quarterly sales and profits.

One response to “Doggy Doo Quarter at JPMorgan Chase; No December Retail Magic; Carnitas Crisis at Chipotle

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